my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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