When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
