talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Everything about him screamed your future.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
