The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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