I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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