when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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