He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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