Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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