i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
