The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
