Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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