so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
