she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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