Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize