i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
