Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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