Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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