white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sex in the backyard? Check.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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