If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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