Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
