Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
