She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
