so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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