...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
