Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
