just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
