First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
