these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
