When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize