hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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