How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
