i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
