k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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