he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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