he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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