im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
