girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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