I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
