Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
