i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
