I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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