I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize