i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
