You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
