fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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