you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
