what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
