Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize