Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize