I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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