NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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