would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
