her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
