some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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