We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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