mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
