READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize