I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
