Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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