I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
