i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
