He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
