i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
