I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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