420 ftw
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
