Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
